This week I have felt like a school mum. I’ve played the role of a school mum, I have been present on the playground, I have been present at the breakfast table, I’ve spoken to the teachers. It is just one of the roles I play since becoming a mummy. On Wednesday and Friday morning I took our boy to school both days, and on Wednesday I even managed to pick him up. For those who don’t know me this is big, its huge and something that has filled my mummy heart all week long.
I know I am gushing over something so simple as the school run but honestly it means so much to me. I usually only get to escort our gorgeous boy to school one day a week which is a Friday, so to be the one to take him two days in the one week has been a real treat. It was lovely just enjoying the before and after school routine with my boy, seeing his little face as he came out of the classroom, watching him interact with his friends on the playground and the cuddle he gave me on finding me through the sea of parents and grandparents.
These are the moments I miss, the ones that often create the biggest of memories. If truth be told it isn’t all about the actual school run, it’s about the time we are spending together. I love this time with my little man, we practise his spellings and reading, we talk about the day ahead, the day before. We chat, we spend our minutes in the car planning our next big adventure or even what we are buying daddy as a present for his birthday. There’s no rushing about, dashing out of the house before he’s woken, everything is taken at a much slower pace than the rest of the week. It feels so nice to be there.
I’m often left feeling saddened, when I see posts on social media of folk complaining about the school run, the school holidays, whether its raining or freezing cold. I just don’t get it. Before half term people are willing the holidays to begin and by day three they want them gone. It saddens me that people complain about something that I feel should be treasured. I would give anything to spend each day or holiday with our gorgeous boy, I make the choice to work full-time, well really it is something I have to do – but that doesn’t mean I don’t miss the time I could spend with our gorgeous boy. It really is so bittersweet, the pull you feel as a parent just gets worse as they get older.
Being a school mum can be hard. And then there is the feeling like I am in the minority, only being there one day a week, the parent rushing off the playground, that feeling that others are looking at me judging as I run back to the car after seeing our gorgeous boy walk through those double breasted doors. No conversation, no small talk, I feel so isolated as I watch the other mummy’s in their little groups head off to enjoy a coffee. And hopefully a piece of cake. Often excluded from play dates as I work full-time.
It really is the little things that make you smile. We have to hold on to these moments, they are to be treasured. Whether its holding his hand as we walk through the school gates or waiting for him as he walks out of the classroom door these are the moments I will hold on to when I am feeling sad.
I have to think back to the first few months of school, they were so much harder. He was in a before and after school club, really long days away from us as neither of us had any flexibility. Those are the days I never want to go back to. I am thankful for Mr H having a flexible work pattern. I need to remember that even though I am not the one who gets to take him to school we do have the perfect balance for him, our boy is happy and that is what is important. Being a school mum can be hard. The guilt will continue to creep in but for now I have to keep batting it away, our gorgeous little boy is happy.